Ode to Singledom!
This was a challenge post: Write about something that you think if people knew about you would scare you senseless.
I don’t know why admitting all of the following scares me. Maybe it is because people will think “oh she has given up”. NOPE! People might think “oh she is scared”. MAYBE but I am SCARED of a lot of things and do them anyway. People might thing “oh she is hoping the right guy will see this and so it is secreatly a call for dates”. NOPE and if you are a guy who sees this. Please don’t think me rude but this isn’t about you. This is not about any one of those things above. This is simply about my state of being and how I kind of love it! Also please don’t pity me. There is nothing to pity at all. My life is really truly beyond blessed with riches beyond measure!
First a few facts: I am 44, never been married, have a mortgage, have a job, have friends, have family, have hobbies, rescue dogs, travel, generally nice, and if I am honest–kinda like my life!
If you had asked me when I was 14 or 24 where I saw myself at 44: I would have said married, traveling, and trying new things. 2 out of 3 really isn’t that bad.
Let’s get this out-of-the-way: I am single by choice (or at least I think so). I have had some long-term relationships that just couldn’t quite jump over the hill. Years and years of them. I am what some would call a serial monogamist. I have never been proposed to. I have never lived with a male that isn’t a relative. I haven’t dated in almost 5 years. You would think these things would make me question “what is wrong with me” but really it has just lead to “maybe there is not a HEA for everyone”. That is quite OK!
I don’t think I am that odd.
Yet I really might be.
See a strange thing happened almost 5 years ago. After one more failed go around of being the great gal to date but not marry–I kinda said screw it! There also was really two horrible choices back to back in my dating life that just kinda said “GIRL!!! Dating just might not be your thing”!
I want to state outright: I have dated some FANTASTIC men! I have also dated assholes, cheaters, and WTF were you thinking guys. I have made good choices. I have made bad choices. I have made drunk choices. I have made sober choices that I wish I could blame on being drunk. I have been the hot mess in the relationship. I have been the solid foundation.
In other words, I have dated. I think most people if they are honest will say at one time or another we have been both the good and the bad in a relationship. It is called learning, meshing of personalities, and growing the fuck up.
I have also learned that I may not be the marrying kind. Despite thinking when I was younger that it was on my 10 year plan. I am beginning to think that I am more than just OK with it. Not to say that if I met the right guy tomorrow, I might marry him in a year but it just no longer is in any 10 year plan that I currently have.
What I am about to say does not mean I am anti-relationship. It does not mean that the grass is greener on the singledom fence side. It does not mean that you can’t get these things in your relationship. It also does not mean my life is perfect or that I don’t have changes I want to make.
What it means is I have learned to appreciate what I currently have instead of “waiting” for something more. A year from now who knows where I will be but I do know where I am now. I know where I have been for a while. I KNOW that it is time to appreciate the things that come with it!
Ode to Singledom:
Thank you Singledom for the ability to choose what I want to listen, watch, play or not listen/watch/play when I am home. I really appreciate being able to sit in silence, play WOW, pop on 70’s rock, or watch yet another documentary on True Crime without consulting another person.
Thank you Singledom for the ability for this introvert to honestly come through my door and recharge without having any socialization at all. I am pretty sure my coworkers and friends are happy with it too.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to foster dogs without asking if one more is too many.
Thank you Singledom for lots of reading, crafting, and DIY time. I am pretty sure I do way too much of all of these things but my Singledom allows that in my life. ALSO–there is your answer to how I have time to get all the things done.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to sneak off to the movies by myself without explaining why I saw that action film without inviting another.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to decide that this week I am just not cooking and that decision not costing me a fortune (cause I can totally sandwich it for a week–NO PROBLEM).
Thank you Singledom for the ability to throw out all food things that don’t go with some new eating plan I am trying.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to go on a financial fast and not have to force someone else too.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to use all the rooms in my house as I see fit! Currently that would be a bedroom, craft room, dog room, and book cove. Seriously!
Thank you Singledom for the ability to store stuff in the living room while I rearrange and redo other rooms.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to choose that my house can be quirky and colorful.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to make my house a no guest zone because I have a crabby dog.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to travel to book conventions, crafting get-a-aways, and other things without planning vacation around someone else.
Thank you Singledom for the ability to be good with my own company. That is probably the thing I appreciate the most and something until the last few years I was not good with at all.
So THANK YOU SINGLEDOM for letting me get to know the real me.
During her off time, you can find her hanging with her rescue furr children named after book characters: Lizzie a beautiful cattle dog mix (Pound Pup) and Cinder a beautiful Shep/Pitt mix (Pound Pup). Gathering with friends and family, attending conventions, watching movies/tv shows, rooting for the 49rs, and crocheting.
She is also a veracious reader. You can find her book reviews at Geeky Bloggers Book Blog